Mortality, You Can't Live Without It

A close relative passed away just a few hours ago. She was my cousin's second wife, and an intelligent and successful man himself, she was his greatest success. Not only did he find and win this lovely, brilliant, practical woman, he managed to keep her long enough to have two great kids who became great adults, and together they collected the big house on a hill and financial security and reached their retirement years still a family. She was a bright light in our tribe, always welcoming, always deeply concerned for all of us and our problems. Her home was open for countless Easters and other events, and she and her family rarely missed a gathering wherever it was. No one worked harder or with less complaint to ensure the success of these soirees, nor was faster to share any cost incurred.

She had no history of serious illness, just a few headaches shortly before the end, and the news that such a dynamic and beloved presence among us was suddenly no longer there was a real and visceral blow to us all. It is causing some of us to take a new look at our own lives and subsequently our individual priorities. Are we chasing the right goals? What do we really need and what is only ego? How do we want to spend whatever time is left to us?

Daily life's demands keep us focussed on the mundane things that have to be done. Rarely does an event come along that makes us pause and reflect on our core assumptions, and possibly lead to a re-ordering of them. Many of us today are going through something like this kind of crisis with our employment issues, or mortgages, or both. Can't make the house or car payments, can't sell, no good options. But will it make you re-think of the real need for such a large home? Can you be happy with something smaller but less demanding of your resources? Is it possible to allow a few others grander dwellings and still be content?

Sometimes terrible events push us past were we have been before, and sometimes the change can lead to happier and healthier lives, in spite of the initial shock and distress. I would like to think that my wonderful cousin-in-law's unexpected death might be the cause of yet more good in the world. She did enough while alive to more than justify her time on earth, but I promise you she would be pleased to know that death couldn't stop her from continuing to help us.